Kilala

Today is Thursday October 17th, 2013 as of right now I am writing a memorial for my littlest cat Kilala she is Kokotenko's little sister and today she has gone missing. I don't know where she is at and I have searched the entire house. Every closet, every room, the basement and under all the beds. I just can't find her. Last night was the last time anyone saw her and no one has seen her since. I'm worried and I hope we find her but should we not this is a memorial for her.
Kilala was a small cat. She was the runt of her litter and very skirmish but she was also very frisky and when she was in the mood she would jump and play and just act so crazy. She used to do a sort of barking sound when she was watching the birds and squirrels and she was so sweet. I used to pick her up and she would always squeak but once I started petting her while she was in my arms she would purr and rub her head on my hand. She was so cute and so sweet and I will miss her every day. If yesterday was her last day then I am extremely sad and I wish I had played with her more. I love each and every pet I get and it makes me sad each time we lose one or one is taken from this world by God. I will love her always she was a sweet and a little bit snooty cat but. I will always love her.

I miss you very much Lala you will always be in my heart.

My tantrum sister

So I have a 22 year old sister who is supposed to be more mature than I am but every time something goes in my favor or even if it doesn't and she doesn't get her way she acts like a spoiled little brat. She acts as bad as my three year old nephew does sometimes. I swear I'm the youngest but sometimes I wonder who the most mature out of the three of us is. Urgh she really frustrates me. When I try to have a calm discussion with her if I even mention something she doesn't like she starts yelling and throwing a fit. She wants to act all depressing and negative and isn't trying very hard to grow up.i was at least out of my parents home for a couple months before having to move back for a little bit due to roommate trouble and then back out and living with my oldest sister now. Seriously when I do spend time back home it only stresses me out worse because she wants to argue about every little thing. I just want to know why she wants to act like a child instead of growing up some. I mean yeah I am still a little kid. I like watching family movies, or playing games, and swinging on the swing set, but do I act like a three year old. No. Why can't some people just learn to grow up?

Stressful times once more

So I don't know if I actually updated everyone on the situation about my sisters kids. Unfortunately things did not go in our favor and the judge decided to skip a step completely and put him up for adoption. Well we had a big day and the family was there for him. We do know who adopted him and we are all going to try and stay in his life. We miss him very much and I am sad to say his baby sister wasn't there to say goodbye for now to him. The judge decided that her mother was unfit which she is not, and they put her with her father. I haven't seen her since my birthday. We still have the middle child with us but my parents have to go to court in a couple days because they filed for custody without telling social services which no one said anything to them about having to do that, and now where they were trying to prevent him from being taken away the same judge that sent the other two away gets to decided to either take him out of a safe and friendly environment where he gets food he needs, a good education, day care, safe home, people who love him, church, head start during the school year, and everything he could need and put him with strangers or leave him with a family that is doing all they can to protect him and give him that good environment I just described. Also I'm living with my oldest sister now and may be starting a job this week. My boyfriend now has a car that he is fixing up and a temporary job. One of my best friends may be starting a job and I am going to see about her and I getting a place together.




Now for my geeky history fact

My nickname Lindi I got from Charles Lindbergh aka Lucky Lindy and he flew the Spirit of St. Louis in 1927 from New York to Paris. In a single turbine engine airplane.


http://www.charleslindbergh.com/plane/

Love

Love is sometimes a tough thing to deal with because sometimes with every little mistake someone may make it can be a big hurt even if they didn't mean to make a mistake or hurt you. There's also not being able to control how much you love someone. Wanting them to spend every second with you. Wanting them to know how much you care and how much you don't ever want to see them go away. I currently feel like this and I know this is real for me, and it makes me so happy that I'm in love. Even when he or I make mistakes and end up hurt. But you know sometimes when he makes a mistake it's hard for me to let it go even though I can hear myself telling me to let it go because he's the one I want to spend my life with. Love screws me up so much. I used to be able to lock all my emotions away inside me and now everytime I see him they all just seem to want to explode and let him know every feeling I have. It's confusing for me but I know that he is someone I never want to let go of. I just wish he would think sometimes about what he says. Oh well I love the big fool and I ain't letting him go.

Still waiting

So my parents had a trip this weekend and someone at church asked my middle sister when I was gonna get married. That made my mother say some things. Starting with we havn't been together long enough to get married, and it made dad all nervous about Jonathan taking the four of us out to lunch. So no surprises were sprung. So now we're gonna wait a little bit longer to tell em and I temporarily have to remove this link from facebook so that neither of my parents will look at it. So just gonna have to wait a little bit longer till we can tell them the truth.

Making Up For It

So my boy friend absolutely pissed me off yesterday and made me cry a lot, but I'm not going into the details on that, but I will tell ya how he's making up for it. Tomorrow we are having a date and going to spend the day together. We had already planned to go look at an apartment though we are still trying to figure out where it is and how to get there. He wants to take me to get a promise ring to show me how much he loves me and that he's sorry for his mistake, after that since we're not going to see the place till four thirty. We are going to have our date. Have a nice dinner and then go see a movie. Then after that I call for someone to come pick us up and take us back to my house for some time together and for he and I to finish watching Cabin in the Woods. Then probably a freeze pop each and off to sleep. Till the next morning when he's gonna stay at the house for a bit cause he's taking me and my parents out to dinner at Applebee's. Yummy. Though that one is going to be extremely interesting cause there's a secret fact I will tell you about on another day.


Till the next time anyone who reads these.

Updates

So today I filled with updates for my deviantart account Arkanan13. I love to write. I'm not to good at drawings but I am working on a little comic. I have really missed writing my stories. I actually thought of it as a career once, but I never thought I was good enough for it. I do have a friend who is a writer though she has I believe it is currently three published books. Her name is Emily Rose Ludwick and she is really cool. Today is also filled with helping my dad he is moving everything out of his little office room so that there is space enough for my nephew to have his very own bedroom.

And now for random life lesson. Sometimes we hurt ourselves trying to protect the ones we love and we don't realize we are truly hurting them.

Random

So I just wanted to post a few random geek facts this morning. I figure since no one is asking any questions thus far.

Fact # 1:    John Rhys-Davies plays two roles in the Lord of the Rings films: Gimli and the voice of Treebeard.

Fact # 2: Dante Basco the voice actor of Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender (and should have played him in the last airbender movie. that way it wouldn't have sucked so much.) also voiced Jake Long from American Dragon: Jake Long, A Goofy Movie (extra voice), was Rufio from Hook, played Lucas on the tv series Raven, Kevin from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Marco from Moesha, Prince Hong from Sinbad: The Battle of Dark Knights, voiced Quoc Wong from the Proud Family, Fukushima from Kim Possible, was in an episode of Lilo and Stitch: the series as Jake Long, voiced Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender- Burning Earth (video game. I have it and the first game), Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender (video game), Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender- Into the Inferno (video game. It's the one I still need), he also voiced the Cocoon Inhabitants in Final Fantasy XIII (English version), and many other great roles these are just a few of my favorites. He was born August 29, 1975 and still acts to this day.

Fact # 3: I am a member of over 30 Lord of the Rings fan clubs many of them are fan clubs for my favorite characters.

Excitement

So a lot of stuff is going on in my life and I know I keep missing my updates and sorry bout that for anyone who actually reads my blog. Now I will tell you some of my excitement but some I can not yet tell because there's a link to my blog on facebook and I don't want everyone knowing just yet. My boyfriend and I are doing so wonderfully. I miss him everytime I'm apart from him, and so hopefully I won't have to be apart from him much longer. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He has become a huge part of my life already. Oh also, I might be getting a job. YAY! The woman who interviewed me said she would give me a call next week. I'm looking for a new place to live as I write. I'm planning my future, I'm also planning a big event with the current help of a few of my besties and soon hopefully help from my family. So also I'm working on getting my drivers license and a car. My friend Natashia is my major help planning this big event and she also is making a special quilt just for me and my boyfriend. Of everyone who knows they are all super excited. I've gotten my life kind of back on track and I'm trying harder to get closer to God and be a good person. I'm hoping to go into the guard next summer because if I get this job I need to give it time before I go join the military cause I need to save up. Everything is just going so wonderfully except for family issues :'( but right now I really can't talk about em cause it's hard to think about.

On another note I heard superman and iron man 3 were really good. Though I have not had the chance to go see them myself, but I did see white house down and I got to say it was a pretty awesome movie. I have never seen a president kick so much butt. I plan on going to see The Wolverine with my mother who is a big kid she says. I'm also looking forward to the next Thor movie. So many great movies have been coming out lately. I want to see so many of em but I have no money :(. Oh well I'll see em eventually.
So since I've missed my geeky facts and life lessons quite a lot lately I would like whoever actually reads this to give me any question they would like to ask. Topic does not matter to me, and I would like to try and answer them. No limit on how many questions you can ask. Hope to get a few questions from someone.

Back Home

Okay so my first time living on my own went horribly horribly south. Not only could I barely get online to keep my blog updated but I had the room mate from hell. I mean seriously she was just awful the last straw that made me leave is when she yelled at me saying she was gonna smack me in the face, took my house key, and told me that my boyfriend couldn't come visit me at all anymore. She would try and drag me with her to work all day which could have gotten her fired, told everyone that she did all the house work and took care of everything at the house when truth is I did all the cleaning, the dishes, sweeping, windows, bathroom, and more, job applications everyday trying to get my own job, when I decided to go out and enjoy myself she would flip out, she didn't like me hanging out with any other friends or my own boyfriend, when I tried to spend time with my family or go home for a weekend she started this huge argument saying that she needed help taking care of the house when I already did that anyways, didn't like me going to church, or even going to job interviews, she was the most controlling room mate ever, she would spend a hundred bucks on drinking while she's underage and wouldn't pay the land lord, then yell at me for not helping support the house when I wasn't able to get a job, and I would have to go to my mom for basic needs likes toilet paper or tooth paste, ect.. There was a whole lot of problems like that with her including her having a bunch of perverted drunk guys over all the time at all hours of the day. Which made me extremely uncomfortable exspecialy when they would hit on me and try to get all touchy feely with me, and she knew how it made me feel but still had them over and slept with almost all of 'em.
    I also left the house because one of the people upstairs sexually assaulted me and the land lord got upset because I got a protection order against him even though he told me go ahead and get it, but you know what they can get over it and the sex offender can go back to living in that hell house. Oh yea my room mate would also freaking snort pills, and then tell me to babysit my three year old nephew at the house. Oh HELL NO! I am not bringing any of my young family near her.
    Now she has been bugging myself, home, and my mother's phone trying to cuss me out and yell at me cause I packed up all my stuff and within two car loads got it all out the house and left a note on why I left. Then she wants to tell me I owe her money for staying there when no I don't because she invited me to live with her knowing I didn't have a job at the time, and we had no written or verbal agreement, so her threatening to call the cops on me doesn't scare me one bit because I did no crime what so ever. But I will say it took a lot of effort for me not to go off on her that last night I was there and she was threatening me I was ready to blow up but I knew that it wouldn't matter cause I would be gone the next day. She also wants to try and blame my boyfriend for the vandalism that happened when some of those guys she invited over in the middle of the night came back and broke into the house and tore up her stuff. She got what she deserved for screwing 'em all.
       But on a happy note I have a wonderful new boyfriend who tries his hardest to do everything to make me happy, and is always there for me when I need him. The night I was sexually harassed he jumped into his car and raced over to try and protect me. Though by the time he got there the cops had come and arrested the guy though they were still there talking to me and my ex room mate and one of the guys she sleeps with and supposedly calls her bf. Yea I'd like to see how he would react if he knew she was screwing every guy that came around. I am just so happy to be home though, and to have a wonderful guy who treats me right and even started coming to church with me. to be in a safe environment again is just great. Hopefully I'll soon have a job cause my church family is trying to help me find a job and giving me recommendations to a bunch of places. I won't be on food stamps much longer though since I'm not twenty two and living at home again temporarily, but it'll be ok cause i'll reapply for them once I find a place to stay, but just back home for now and it is nice. For now with everything that is going on to catch anyone who reads this back up on my life and all my geekyness I will most likely be posting either every day or every other day. My post tomorrow will have more geekyness but for today I just needed a way to vent, but here's a life lesson. Just because you can be friends or even so called best friends with someone on a day to day basis doesn't always mean you can live with them cause they could have a whole other side to them and just turn out to be a horrible room mate. So when moving in with someone do a kind of trial time to see how things are because if you just move straight in you could end up in a bad situation like I did, so please be careful and make sure you know someone completely first. That's all for today have a blessed day and I'll post tomorrow. :)

As life goes on things get better

So things are looking up sort of. I just turned 20 on the 13th of this month. YAY! I'm doing ok living with my friend Marcy though things are a bit tough and kinda crazy interesting. I'm still working on getting a job and really hope I find something soon cause I want to be able to take care of myself but till then I shall rely on my bestie. I'm gonna go sign up for food stamps on thursday so hopefully that goes well. I also have a new friend :) his name is Jonathan Napier. :) I feel so happy when I make new friends . It's not easy to live away from my family but at least i know they aren't to far away from me.
I really hope I can find a job soon since I join the national guard. I'm also working on my weight loss goal and it is going okay, so there's another YAY! Exspecially since I join in late july early august.

My room mate hurt her foot really bad and I'm worried about her :( I hope whatever's wrong with it goes away so that she's not in so much pain.
I'm seriously happy I made my new friend. :D I just feel so happy.
Things are looking up. I truly hope hope they stay up.

Enjoy the little things

Today is the first day for me to start recovering from a stomach virus I have had since wednesday, and it just feels so wonderful to be able to eat and hold something down. It's nice. I actually am supposed to stick to bland food items while I'm recovering, but not really my style when it comes to food. I love different exciting foods that have a pop of flavor to them. Though I have been kind of good and not overd doing it with the foods. Today I didn't eat much, but what I did eat was delicious. I had a couple snacks to hold me through most of the day, some sour cram and onion chips, and a crunch bar. But for dinner my room mate and I went to the Cook Out down the road and each had a burger, we shared a thing of hush puppies and fries. They were so delicious.
Also we walked there in the rain and even though by the time we got back her pants and my long skirt were soaked along the rims we had a lot of fun. It was just nice being out in the rain acting l;ike crazy people and enjoying life. Made me think that everyday we must remember to enjoy the little things and have fun.

Today

Today I have just been thinking about life, and how sometimes we can take a path that doesn't make sense. I think I started to take a path that didn't make sense but an opportunity came up that knocked some sense into my head, thank god. Sometimes screw ups are needed in life so we can learn, but sometimes we set ourselves up to screw up and don't have the common sense to think things through. Unfortunately I know I have done that a lot, but I am trying to change that. Hopefully I can. No I know I can as long as I put the effort into chaning from a screw up to the person I want to be.
I believe we all have an opportunity in life where we screw up and it nocks some sense into our head, but sometimes not everyone takes that chance to fix themselves and they just continue to screw up. Honestly I think all governments are like this. If only they would realize how much they screw up sometimes.
So today instead of a geeky fact I have a life lesson for everyone.
Even when we feel the wieght of the world pressing down on us and trying to tell us that we're going no where we must remember that they do not define us but we define ourselves. Let us wander until we may find our true path.

I'm moving out

I'm moving out!
So, my friend since middle school, Marcy has gotten a place and I will be moving in with her. YAY! I'm still working on getting my license and a job, but I'm progressing pretty well with that. Lots of job applications and practice driving help to remedy thos two problems so for now Marcy is going to be paying the rent but once I get a job I'll be helping too. It feels a bit weird to be moving out of the only house I've ever lived in (not including the apartment my family lived in till I was four cause I only have like one memory of that place.) This place has been home all my life and even once I move out I'll still see it as home. I love this house but I need to venture out of it, and live away from my family. Though I'm not going to be to far from them. I'm just going to be living in town instead of a few miles outside of it. Heck even with moving out the only thing that will change is I won't see all my family every day but I know it'll be ok. It'll be fun to live with a friend and to have a chance not to just rely on my family but myself and my friend, so I guess I best hurry up and get a job, so I don't become a burden. Oh also, come this september once I'm back in shape I'm gonna be joining the national guard (yay military) and going back to school. Soon my schedule is going to be really busy, but it'll be ok because I'll be on my way to my goal in life. :)

Update on Me

So I'm finally getting my life in order, sort of. I'm going to be going back to college in the fall after I finally enter the National Guard. I figure before I join the guard this fall I'll get some things in order like finding a part time job, and I'm going to move in with a friend, get my license, and get back into a perfect healthy shape. I still got to tell my family my plans but since I was born into a military family I'm pretty sure they'll be okay with it. It'll be nice to know I have my family's support in my career choice, and hopefully it'll give me a chance to become a better person and be able to talk to my dad again. Also, I might be taking Rambo with me when I move out which would be nice since my sister can't take him with her to her new apartment. It just feels good to know I'm getting my life back into order and I'm gonna have a purpose for most of my days.
So once I finally get a part time job I'm gonna have to save up to help pay the rent when I move out and my friend and I are going to get a car together. We're hoping to find a decent place for us to live and hopefully a little more in town than where she lives now. That way we wouldn't have to use the car all the time and could sometimes take the bus, so we wouldn't spend so much money on gas.

We're gonna spend some time together this weekend as a kind of girls weekend. We actually plan to go check out a few places and look at a couple decent used cars. WE also might go see a movie and get our nails done. It's gonna be fun to hang out and get our future together. We also might meet up with a couple guys which would make it a bit more fun :).

Oh and since I forgot to post a geeky fact on the second sunday of the month I shall post it now.
People born under the star signs Virgo, Capricorn, and Taurus are alligned with the element of Earth. (Hehe Yay me I'm a Taurus.)
People born under the star signs Sagittarius, Leo, and Aries are alligned with the element of Fire.
People born under the star signs Scorpio, Pisces, and Cancer are alligned with the element of Water.
People born under the star signs Libra, Gemini, and Aquarius are alligned with the element of Air.

Moving

So much stuff to move! I did not know that my oldest sister had so much stuff, and now i've been helping her move all of it.  It's great she has a place and all but I wish there was an easier way to move her stuff. Exspecially since she lives on the second floor of her building, but there's no helping it I guess since it means she'll have aplace for her and her kids again. Still got a storage locker full of stuff to sort and move to the right places and then there's helping her unpack. So much to do, but it's perfectly ok.

Things are looking up

Yay!
Things are finally looking up for my family and I. My oldest sister will officially be moving out on friday and I will be helping her move out. Also my dad got a bonus and we can now take care of our family better. It's so great that we have been blessed like this because it will not only improve all of our stress levels and moods now. Plus with more good news I may be getting a part time job finally, and I will be going back to school this summer. This is just wonderful and the things we need to help try and improve our family's relations. I can't wait for everything to start moving and to get a chance to help my sister move knowing that things are just getting better for her and her kids. All of it is just so nice a change of pace for me. Plus it'll be nice to have my own room again.

You know it's going to be another couple weeks till the second sunday so I feel like doing a geeky fact now instead.

Did you know that despite playing gimli the dwarf in Lord of the Rings, John-Rhys Davies is the tallest actor from the fellowship at a height of six foot one.

Easter Block party

WooHoo! I had so much fun working the church block party. Though I kept being sent this way and that way to do stuff. I was one of the people working the cake walk, I had to stand in the center to see who was on the number called when the music stopped. I got to meet my friends new boy friend and it's kind of funny cause I went to school with him and I'm happy she's with him because I know he's a good guy.
There was one person who kept bugging me but I didn't let them get my day down because  I was having to much fun and the food was sooooo good. It was nice having an event like that because it gave me a chance to try to be more outgoing when meeting someone new at a big event.
Tomorrow is also going to be really exciting and busy, but I'm ready for it so bring it on.

The Croods

Yay went to see The Croods tonight with my family. It was such a great movie. I suggest that everyone goes to see it with their family. It actually touched home for me at some parts and it is just a wonderful movie that will remind you to love every moment you have with your family and that you shouldn't fear everything. Oh it was just so great it was funny, and moving, and just so great. It was so nice spending a night with my family and having dinner. We got a chance to finally spend time together and get close again and that movie was beyond perfect to bring a family together. May you all enjoy it.

New manga

Weehee.
So, I started reading this new manga called "Tonari no Kaibutsu" it's really pretty funny. It's kind of weird though too, but I really like it. I'm only a few chapters in but it feels like I'm laughing a lot about it. It's about this girl who was completely focused on studying, but the guy who was supposed to sit next to her in class hadn't been to school since the first day where he got in a fight and stopped showing up. He's a really funny guy though and he isn't at all what you first think he would be. But I'm just happy I found another fun manga to read. There are just so many interesting mangas out there and I have only read a few. I'm gonna try and read all the fun mangas out there if it is at all possible. I love being a geek because it means I can read all sorts of geeky things like comics and mangas or The Lord of the Rings (YAY) and not care about peoples opinions on me.
Geekyness Rocks!

Thoughts on my life

So this is called thoughts on my life because this weekend I went to spend a couple days with a friend and I get home today to find my room in shambles, and a whole box of my strawberry pocky, gone. Pocky ain't cheap. I buy stuff for me very rarely cause I usually have zero money, so I went and bought myself three boxes on wednesday, finished one and had set the rest on my desk for when I got home. Needless to save I love my nephew but his momma needs to move out of this house like NOW. I try my best to enjoy life but sometimes when I come home and find my stuff rummaged through and things missing. I just can't help but get upset. It's like when my friend Marcy and I were exiting this one store and we went and opened the door to walk out and there was these three preppy teens trying to walk in and the fact was we walked out and this one girl standing texting on her phone looked up at us like we were idiots because we didn't hold the door open for her little miss stuck up self. Please I am raised to be polite but just cause you think you on top of the world don't mean I'm gonna act like you're so much better than everyone around you because you aren't. We were all created equal in God's eyes so if that means I get a dirty look from someone I don't know just because I didn't hold the door open for you to come in before I left well oh well then. My life has always had interesting moments and very emotional moments. Though there has also been plenty of peaceful moments in my life that I have loved very much, but the thing is they never seem to last for long. I just think that sometimes I wish there wasn't so much trouble in my life, but then I remember with each trouble I overcome I become an even better me and become stronger. I mean I bring some onto myself by being the odd ball that I am but hey I like being me. And that is our random lesson for the day. Be yourself but don't be some psycho path, and from now on every second and fourth sunday I am going to have a random lesson on life and/or something geeky. So then this weeks geeky fact is... In all of the multiple X-men universes in the Marvel comics Logan aka James Howlett aka Wolverine has ninteen biological children and one adopted.

Blessings

I have beeen thinking a whole lot lately about the different ways that God sends us his blessings. Also, about how so many people can be having a wonderful day and then they let one little thing ruin it for them. It's kind of frustrating.We go through our lives day to day not paying attention to important things in our lives. We seem to be forgetting to share the kindness and love we recieve from those close to us with the rest of the world. That is why from here on out I plan to work twice as hard to share the blessings God has given to me with everyone else. Even if it's just a smile from a friend to cheer me up when I do have bad days. We walk our lives day to day and forget to enjoy the day we have for God made no promise for tomorrow, and no one knows when the end will come. I had a nice day today getting a bit of spring cleaning done and just trying to get along with my two older sisters and have a peaceful day. Thus when I head to church tonight I will make sure to share the happiness I felt today with everyone at the church. Because when we choose to not let little things ruin us it can not only help to improve our mood and attitude but it can help us with our bad spots in our personalities. For example yesterday a girl I met in a virtual game that I had not spoken to in a while decided to start sending me PM (public messages) about how i was a b****, but the fact is I calmly sent her a message in return that she could say all she wanted about me and call me whatever she wished because she did not know me for me, that I was a geek, so no matter what she said I did not care because I knew I had a blessed life and no woman who I have never met before can tell me i'm this or that when she has never truly known me and I told her to have wonderful and blessed life for she could not ruin mine. In truth this was a small blessing to myself because I know I have anger issues. Heck I took anger manigment in middle school to try to help me, but that didn't even work, but with God clearly in my life I now have a bit better manegment on my anger and for that I thank God. If it hadn't been for God my life would be in the gutter and I wouldn't know my true purpose in life. I know this world is filled with many many many atheists and the fact is I am not trying to push anyone to follow God's word but if this touches someones curiosity I believe that would be a blessing. All I wish to do is to remind everyone to recognize the small blessings in our life. As my pastor says we let the little things get us down like having a flat tire or stubbing our toes, but we should be thankful for the car we have that has the flat tire or for the fact that we aren't some of those who have lost their feet. It seems that we forget to look at our fellow men and women and lend them a hand when we see them in need. I'm not asking anyone to go out and save a starving country, but why not help an elderly man or woman carry groceries, or donate a few cans of food now or then to someone who needs them, why not donate your old clothes to those who have none or few. We can all be a blessing to someone and it doesn't have to be big. Heck it can be lending an ear or a shoulder to cry on to a friend in need. It could be telling someone to stop teasing a person. I've been in dark places before and a blessing was that my friends and family helped to guid me out. Maybe now it's time for our generation to fix ourselves and the world we live in. We don't know how long we have here so while we're around be a blessing. Even if it's once a day, once a week, or once a month. Just let's all try to be a blessing.

March Madness

I had an amazing and awsome time at March Madness. I was kind of down for a bit because I went just to play the sports but ended up not playing any at all. I did watch and root for some of the others that were on a team. I got to see Nathaniel and Christina to. It was so great to see them and hang out with them. They also introduced me to some people from their church and I made a bunch of friends with some of the people they introduced me to. There was Kenny who got the nickname of Candy, Brianna, Casey, Kiev, and Anthony from Nathaniel's church youth group, then there was Olivia who I met while playin black jack and pirate fluxx with Nathaniel and Christina, and then there was Rebecca who Bri and I met in the dorm room. She was really cool we hung out with her all the rest of the night and the morning. We never slept a wink. Hehe it was all so much fun though I wish I had played at least one sport. We left early this morning after breakfast and I said goodbye to my new friends and got two and a half big hugs from Nathaniel. It was quiet on the drive home cause none of us got much sleep. Oh I almost forgot Friday night/ saturday morning while Brianna, Rebecca and I were up we decided to be a bunch of giggly girls and sneak back and forth out of the dorm room and into the hall to try and go mess with the guys. At one point when we had finally messed with a couple guys they started getting roudy and this one guy Monty decided to play some pranks on a few of the other guys while they were asleep. It was so funny cause he used lotion and would put it on their faces and there was this one guy that was like covered and started chasing after Monty. We had so much fun but then they did bad and woke up Nathaniel and Chris (he was one of the adults and he was a nice guy till he was grouchy from being woke up, plus he was kind of cute). I felt bad for them though because Nathaniel had to drive home. Then Chris told us to go back to bed but we never did. We ended up hanging out in the bathroom because we didnt want to disturb all the others that were sleeping and the bathroom was really big and connected to the dorm room and showers. At one point I sneezed really loud and it really echos in this place and Chris was sitting in the halway and said "bless you" and i said "thank you" and it Bri and Rebecca looked at me and asked why I said thank you and I told them it's cause someone said bless you and we all just randomly started giggling. I was just glad I went even though on the drive home i became sick, but all in all it was an amazing time. I can't wait for the next youth event in virginia. I'm gonna try to go to as many as I can. I hope to see my friends more too.

Slow days

So everything has been slow lately, and kind of boring. I really have trouble dealing with the slow days when the only thing to do is clean and sit at home. Been a lot of time to think and been working on more job applications, but it's all kind of boring. I wish there was a way to just make a day at home more interesting without having to put too much effort into it. Though I just usually put up with it cause I can't figure out what to do with all the time I have on slow days. I mean I clean, do job applications, watch tv, exercise, play video games. Heck sometimes I even cook and bake, but I still get bored and don't know what to do with the left over time. Suggestions on what to do with the extra time I have had the past few days would be nice.

Preperation Begins

So we finally have power back at my house which is nice. We officialy got it back at 11:00pm est. last night. That's a nice note. I'm still a little up and down because of tenko but i'm trying my hardest to remember the happy times. Today at church we began our preperation for the big service and block part we hold every march. On the saturday before easter we are having this huge block party and everyone gets assigned jobs. It's not a long block party but it's usually very busy and very fun. :) Also the silent light team has started out practices for our special perfomances for easter sunday. We are going to perform what we call stick sign which I would try to explain but I'm not really sure how to explain it. We are doing "Arise My Love" as the stick sign song and we are most likely doing "Victory" as the silent light song. I love doing silent light it's so much fun and it always moves people in the church. And for those who don't know what silent light is it is my church's sign group we perform sign language to dramatic songs, up beat songs, or moving songs. We have three weeks to get everything in order for easter. The little beacons (our sunday school classes) are doing a play, not sure if the choir is doing a song but I really hope so cause I'm in choir too, and then there is the silent light team (yay us). Then after church we usually have like a small kind of lunch in the love center which is the building that was built behind our church and dedicated to our pastor, Pastor William Love, then we have about three or four easter egg hunts because we divide everyone up by ages, and then we have three or four candy rains again divided by ages. Our church goes through like a ton of candy on easter. The candy rain is when we get a bunch of candy mix it up in like this huge storage tub and then a couple of the adults throw it out onto the grass right in front of our church and let the kids scramble to pick it up and collect it. Pastor always says that we are thorough with this because he says he can never even find one spare piece of candy after everyones gone home, but he likes to joke around about it and we always have fun. I also might be going to March Madness which is a youth rally, but I don't want to be the only one from my church that goes and I still have to scrape together some money to pay for this one since it's an overnight event. I kind of want to go because I know it'll be a whole bunch of fun but I guess I'm more worried about wether my family has money to spare for me to go. I will leave it in my parents and of course God's hands and see what happens. If I go then I go and if I don't then I don't.

Memorial post for Kokotenko

It's a sad day for my family because last night unfortunately while the vet was trying to save him he passed away in the arms of one of the vets technicians. He died at 6yrs old nearly 7 his birthday for when we got him was april 13. His sister who is also one of his actual litter mates has been trying to cheer us up along with his two brothers who were not his litter mates that we own. We still have no power at our house and unfortunately i'm worried that might have been part of the reason he began to pass away because the house was cold and he lost so much weight but now is not the time to think of what we could have tried now our family must try to help eachother feel better and remember the fun we had with Tenko. So for today I am going to post a memorial to him here on blogger, on facebook, on twitter, and a special poem for him on my deviantart account. He was a wonderful cat and was always very loving to us. He was playful and until he became sick he was kinda chubby which made him even more adorable. Please remember to cherish the moments you have with your pets and show them the love and attention they all deserve and even when one passes away and you've cried a lot try to remember the happy moments you had with them.


*In memory of Kokotenko we love you very much and may you rest in peace we will never forget you*

Kokotenko

So everything has been going good lately but one thing has got me down right now. One of my cats was just recently taken to the vet and unfortunately it seems he has a tumor on his pancreas and right not they say he wont surrvive the surgery due to the fact that he has been so sick and hasn't eaten or drank anything lately. My family is going to try and do everything we can and then some stuff we can't afford right now to try and help him get back to where he will have a chance of surviving the surgery. I truly hope that God will help him through it and let him live a while longer so that we may have a little more time with him and his sister who is his actual litter mate can spend a bit more time with him. I really don't want to have to say goodbye to another pet just yet. One of the saddest things in life is losing a friend who you havn't spent enough time with. Though everytime someone loses one they care about they always feel that they never had enough time spent with a friend even if that friend is a pet, but I feel that pets are some of the best friends people can have and you should always be kind to your pet and try to find time to spend with them each day. Thus as a dedication to my sick cat Kokotenko I hope everyone out there will spend some time with their pet and not take them for granted.

Looking on the bright side

So I am back to having ups and things with my family is going ok. My oldest sister has almost found a place for her and her family. I may have a job interview soon. The house is also kinda getting back into a decent livable shape and we finally had the chance to take one of our cats to the vet to find out why he's always so sniffaly and to find out why he's been losing weight. We get the call back from the vet soon and then he has to go back to the vet again not to soon. Then we get to take the other three and the dog. There's been less arguing in the house which is nice and everyone has kind of found there own nice quiet spot where we don't get in eachother's way. It's been a bit grey outside and it makes me feel all groggy and tired, but it's been kind of nice. I'm gonna see if I can use some of my free time volunteering at the main spca in town or maybe at purring on pantops branch that is all cats though I do really want to work with dogs and puppies. I'm happy for my friend 'Tasha cause her mom is finally at a job close to their new home so since her mom worked in cville she used to have to spend monday thru friday in cville at a friends house and the weekends at home. Now their family is all together every night. I'm gonna go over and see them sometime soon. Also I'm excited about easter I can't wait to preform arrise my love again and a new song with silent light. Plus I'm hoping to lose a bit of weight because I have started to work out more and eat a bit better. Well here's hoping for the best.

Downs

So my life went from having a few ups to being a big depression. Not only have I lost a friend in the guy i used to love but I lso have serious family problems and it's getting really hard to handle. I don't know what to do. Now I feel alone cause my family doesn't even want to talk about our problems and I can't just stay with a friend because then I feel like I'm abandoning my family and running away from the problems, but I am so lost in life and I just feel so sad lately. I don't know wht to do. My family is falling apart and I feel like it's all my fault.

Ups and Downs

Well it's been a long time since I wrote a post for my blog. I'm a bit different now because I prefer writing in complete proper gramar and a whole lot has been going on in my life. I guess in a way I've finally grown up  bit. Lately I've been thinking about how life hs  lot of ups and downs. How it's the moments we make that are important not what everyone else thinks of us or what we've done. We can't let other people define us we must define ourselves and it is not always about making an impression on the world it is about making an impression on those you care about/ It doesn't matter if you make an impression on hundreds or thousands of people. Even if you just make that one impression on just one person. Now I've started aiming for making tht one impression because I have been going through family problems, trying to find a job, and finally getting past telling someone I love them.

So I know everyone goes through family troubles, but I doubt everyone has to deal with both their older sisters living back in their parents house along with two of my oldest sisters kids, four cats, a rabbit, and a overly energetic and loving dog. In a house that fits four people and a couple animals. Now I know what most people think, how sad a 19 nearly 20 year old girl living with her parents and trust me I am trying to move out and go to college but problem is finding a job and getting all my paperwork through for school. Then again I can't let my problems at home stop me from moving on in my life.

I've been working on my writing a lot and trying to update my stories on deviantart.com but I have had such a writers block that everytime I write something down I feel like it doesn't fit right to the rest of my story or it looks like it should be it's own side story. It's getting so frustrating, but I just can't give up I have been working o some of my stories for years, and I think I've been working on some of them for years and I been stuck on one for over a year. Though hopefully since Itried to remove a really big distraction from my life. Sort of. His name's Richard and I have been in love with him for years, but I've always known he's out of reach for me. I mean he's this amazing guy, he has a mean side but heck if he didn't I'd think he was creepy. He's been my friend for i believe four years now but kind of lost trck of time cause I wasn't focused on it. I was focused on him so time was kinda :P to me. He's been one of my best friends and he knew I had  crush on him but I was never able to confess to him, but then today I realised I was gonna go crazy if I didn't tell him. Thus today I told him, but now I am worried I am going to lose one of my best friends but heck if this ruins our friendship then I guess we weren't meant to be friends. Though I really really really hope we get to
I also started watching a new anime. It's called "say I love you" and it is so cute I have like fallen in love with it. Ironic ain't it. I love watching it, but it's about oh here let me just paste the description in

"From Karma Falls Scanslations: Mei Tachibana has spent her 16 years without making either boyfriend or friends. One day, she injures a popular boy in school, Yamato Kurosawa, because of a misunderstanding but for some reason it seems that he takes a liking to her and one-sidedly claims that they’re friends. Furthermore, he not only protects Mei from a stalker, he does it with a kiss…?!!"

Here I am just admitting to the guy I love that I love him and now I m addictted to a manga and anime where the girl is being stalked man I would have loved it to go that way but oh well life ain't anime or manga (which sucks).

Well that's it for this post